Michaelion

Missed Connection

Sun, 27 Sep 2026 00:00:00 GMT

This message was intended for a particular person at a particular time. That opportunity has since passed and now it gets to sit without being received. Instead of holding on to it, I figured it would be best if it was given freely to the world to do with as it pleases:

Don't listen to anyone else, do what you want to do.

The purpose of this message was to be antithetical to what most people usually recommend when you receive advice, whether it be intentionally solicited or not. People tend to recommend things from their personal context and then assume it applies to everyone equally. But, everyone's experience is vastly different with their own forms and gradients of nuance that only applied to a particular place at a particular time. Even the message itself might be an application of my own personal context, however, it's intended to convey that you should do the things you want to do simply because you want to do them. Not because someone else expects you to.

~Michaelion

On Freedom

Wed, 23 Sep 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Defining

When we look to define what freedom is there are many avenues we can take as to many people freedom can mean different things. It is such a subjective term that it may have different definitions on a per person basis regardless of cultural, national, or religious beliefs. Referencing a dictionary provides some insight into possible definitions. When utilizing Merriam Webster or Dictionary.com we can see a plethora of examples in an attempt to explain freedom for these different scenarios whether it’s in a political sense, a personal sense, or philosophical. I found that the 2nd definition from Dictionary.com was quite apt in its description: “exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.”.

For my own definition, I can expound a bit further: Freedom is the absence of restriction. Not having bonds that confine you to a particular location, responsibility, or action. It is the ability to do what you want when you so choose without any hindrance. In the simplest sense, at your liberty and leisure.

In the most extreme case, I was made aware of the term libertine which from its etymological origin simply denotes a man freed from slavery. In its more modern form it has taken on an apparently more sinister meaning of: “a person who is unrestrained by convention or morality.” The term usually is in the pursuit of amoral sensual behavior, but I believe it serves as an example of approaching freedom through removal of conventional restrictions. Albeit, causing the imposition of your will upon another.

In any case, the definition that you prefer to use will be dependent on the situation in which you seek freedom or subjugation. Ultimately it will be dependent on the simple fact of being removed from restriction.

Practical Use

In practice, most individuals will have a mix of pressures in their daily lives. This can be from a variety of sources such as a country’s laws and the practiced or cultural religion they are a part of. You can also extend this to other pressures such as that from friends and family, societal norms, or media influence.

There are plenty of factors that play into the actual or perceived constraints placed upon us as individuals and these will ultimately shape how we interact with and live in the world around us. It’s also important to highlight the above mention of “actual and perceived” as sometimes the only thing stopping someone from doing something is the mere thought they cannot whilst no restriction ever actually existed in the first place.

Legal

In our first example we look at the established law in a nation. This will be any written rule, guideline, or requirement that is imposed upon the people either for their own benefit or detriment. Commonly, the U.S. is understood to be the land of the free. But to what degree is this true and what does this mean?

The U.S., like any country, has a litany of rules that it imposes upon its citizens to create a system of law and order amongst the population. One of the most important of these rules is outlined as the Bill of Rights, which permits certain things to be protected rights by law.

Such popular examples are:
1st Amendment - Right to freedom of religion, speech, press, and protest.
2nd Amendment - Right to bear arms.
4th Amendment - Right to privacy.

These rights are enumerated as such to maintain the freedoms of citizens of the United States against the government itself. It allows us the ability to be safe from persecution in exercising certain freedoms. But why are laws necessary to protect them in the first place?

Historically, we understand the Bill of Rights to be necessary against tyrannical behavior from British rule, but also as a means to prevent the rise of a new tyrannical government, even under democratic rule.

In short, there are certain freedoms/rights that we deem necessary enough that it requires the written law to protect them that they may be maintained for future generations. Simultaneously, there are also certain actions we deem reprehensible and choose to restrict the ability to do those activities and thereby restrict freedom.

Examples of this can be restricting: killing, stealing, public intoxication, disturbing the peace, etc.

We restrict these activities because we aim to maintain the peace within our society and thus collectively deem it necessary to restrict these particular freedoms that are deemed 'bad'. In essence, these bad freedoms work to undermine the freedoms of others, and as such must be prevented.

Religion

On the other end, we have the religious context that can permeate between the legal systems of various states with their own (and sometimes separate) types of laws and practices. But, let's take a closer look at the reasoning why some basic religious laws exist.

From the perspective of a Catholic, you have the Canon Law. The Canon Law is separate from the Ten Commandments that most are accustomed to. As some examples we can see requirements for the laity to learn the faith, raise families in the faith, and support the faith, etc from Cann. 224 - 231.

One particular example from the same section I will quote in its entirety as it pertains to our topic:

Can. 227 - The lay Christian faithful have the right to have recognized that freedom which all citizens have in the affairs of the earthly city. When using that same freedom, however, they are to take care that their actions are imbued with the spirit of the gospel and are to heed the doctrine set forth by the magisterium of the Church. In matters of opinion, moreover, they are to avoid setting forth their own opinion as the doctrine of the Church.

This speaks to allowing freedom insofar as it abides by the doctrines of the Church. But, for creatures that were given the gift of free will, why should we follow these laws or the Ten Commandments?

In my own subjective view: It's because love is the greatest good.

The Church aims to grow the love of Christ/God and its laws are a clear reflection of that. It echoes a similar sentiment from our Legal section above in the sense that we have deemed certain freedoms important enough to protect and to prohibit the activities that would erode the peace and love within the Church, and thus within society.

In Excess

Previously, I mentioned the word libertine as one who deviates from conventional restrictions. The word took strong root in France during the 18th century and produced quite a scandalous amount of texts. One of the particular texts from Marquis de Sade stands out as significant. Not only because of its fiendish nature, but also because he wrote it whilst imprisoned for having performed abhorrent acts.

In a short synopsis, the novel details acts between wealthy Frenchmen and a large entourage of accomplices, servants, and victims for the main goal of ultimate sexual gratification. The text essentially goes down the list of erotic imagination culminating in severe sexual violence, torture, and murder.

There's a lot to be said of the details and the sickness of the writer, but the main focus is the recurring themes of denouncing God and abandoning the standard moral convention in an effort to be 'free', to be a libertine. However, in the process of practicing freedom the author both in writing and in deed demonstrated his cruelty and errant disregard for others. Ultimately culminating in his eventual imprisonment in an insane asylum where he died.

This look at excess can show us a few fundamental problems. Firstly, that if your freedom results in the loss of freedom (and life) of others, then you are deserving of having your freedom (and life) lost. Secondly, by attempting to appease the appetite of the flesh as your ultimate goal you get enslaved by the very appetite you are trying to feed. Finally, by denouncing and rebelling against the very systems which enabled your life, you lose access to the fruits of that system.

The Balance

The systems we create as individuals and as societies can have a variety of benefits and potential detriments if taken to extremes. Sometimes you may not get the choice of society and have to conform to a normalcy that is against the nature of freedom. As noted above, some restrictions can be good to help protect the well-being of a person given they're prescribed in moderation and not for the purpose of intentional harm. Other times, the restrictions can be oppressive and abusive.

The middle ground we must find is one between what we can control as an individual and what can be tolerable in our society. More or less, you lead your own life at home and as such it might behoove you to maintain a system of rules. This is in order to not fall victim to the absence of rules that would result in the excess of freedom. Meanwhile, a society filled with excessive rules restricts you to the point where the practice of freedom becomes difficult as the society will choose the path for you.

As such when we search for what we are looking for, we come upon the need for moderation where we have restriction within the self and restriction within the society. Both of which we can influence to some degree. Internally more so than externally.

Reasonable Restriction

Where, then, do we agree on restriction? As individuals, we're able to see first hand the results of our actions and can self regulate per our personal preference. Not to eat or drink too much, whether or not to partake in certain activities, and even whether or not to participate in society.

Society as a whole may not appreciate this, but society also needs to understand for its own sake that saying no can be the greatest expression of freedom. The ability to say no is what enables you to stop a potential cycle of harm. To say no to yourself for your own or someone else's benefit. To say no, even when you don't want to.

The ability to say no to himself would've spared de Sade a lot of trouble in his life. His lustful appetite for abject freedom was the very thing that was restricting him. The ability for us to say no and restrict ourselves would equally be the very thing that would help set us free.

In our refusal we should be able to discern the source and whether or not it's truly a freedom or a restriction. What does this take from me if I say yes? Does it nourish or harm me or someone else? What happens if I do it too much or too little? All these questions and more should be on our mind when discerning the things that bind you and whether or not you should say no and restrict them.

Closing

Doing what is best for us and others should be one of our primary focuses. Especially so when our actions start affecting others around us. No one wants to be hurt, and as such no one should want to hurt someone else. But this remains a constant effort to balance within our greater society.

In a bid to take control of ourselves, we can boil down our considerations to a few basic premises so that we may steer our own actions for the benefit of ourselves and others:

No imposition of one will upon another.

Moderation.

Care for the system within you and without you.

Through the practice of these examples, we can eventually work towards what it means to be truly free.

Thank you, ~Michaelion

Incarnate Presence

Fri, 26 Jun 2026 00:00:00 GMT

I've been following my strength training program for 30 weeks at this point, and during my workout today with squats I reached a state where for the first time in a long time: I felt real.

From my 'Meditative Strength Training' I drafted a program where I focus on one main barbell lift and do it for 10 sets of 5 reps. On the final set, I do what's referred to as an AMRAP set, which is 'As Many Reps as Possible'. For squats, I do an extra eleventh set out of respect for Tom Platz who once said: "When you think it's all over... you have 5 more."

For the entire week, nothing has felt real until this eleventh set. I was gassed from the AMRAP'd 10th set and I had to sit on the floor and catch my breath. After a few deep breaths, I got back up, got back under the bar, braced, and lifted the bar from the rack for that 11th set.

After stepping back, I look up into the mirror in front of me, and I'm not there. For those 30 seconds, I am gone. The golem that my soul has possessed is going on autopilot and started working through another five reps, without me in it.

Everything else I do to try and climb out of my head, is done from the inside of that very head. This is one of the few, if only, things that grounds me so far into the physical world that there's no head left to be in. There's no room for rumination, there's no room for anxiety, there's no room for the persistent dysthymic, anhedonic state that is the norm.

It's as if I've been sitting my entire life and I finally stood up.

And it only lasted for 30 seconds until the bar was racked, and I was back on the floor sweating like a stuck pig, out of breath, with legs that have finally decided to say that the workout was over.

Thank you, ~Michaelion

Notes on the Stillness

Thu, 16 Apr 2026 00:00:00 GMT

Describing the initial portion and expectations of the Kenosis Meditation via my own personal lens.

With the end of Lent, I get the opportunity to look back upon it and see the successes and failures during this season of spiritual endeavors. I took a rather different approach this year, more akin to last year, on the focus of what we were to "give up" for Lent. It sounds nice and easy to do items where you tell yourself that you'll start praying more, you'll start that diet, or maybe an exercise routine. However, I've found that adding things onto your life during Lent doesn't always work out as intended. It's one more thing to do that you haven't been doing to begin with... so why would you start now?

For my particular practice, I decided to be subtractive. To remove things. Not to do more, but to do less. This manifested itself in a few ways. Primarily via fasting of food, music, games, etc. But most importantly in a practice I've come to call "Kenosis Meditation". I've listed this practice and what it entails in the "Practices" section of this website, should you be curious.

In a brief summary, the Kenosis Meditation is a type of meditation/prayer that involves emptying yourself out physically and mentally, and more or less "existing" exclusively within this meditative state. In this, I mean that there's no specific words, no specific gestures, no specific techniques. You quite literally meditate with the sole purpose of existing and emptying yourself of your needs, wants, and thoughts.

This specific practice is intended to be unmediated, between you and God. There's no ritual or authority substitutes for sitting down and doing it. You remain ultimately responsible for the relationship that builds here. You can seek notes from others who've walked this path, but it's you who has to take the steps forward. Sanctifying your life and receiving grace from the sacraments are all beneficial, but by themselves they are tools given to you to do the work.

From the beginning of Lent all the way until Good Friday, I had about 30 of these meditative sessions, and I wanted to share my findings, experiences and progression through these sessions. This is in order to show someone else who might be following this path that they are experiencing familiar territory and providing it in a modern language that is more direct and understandable.

Environment:

The setup of your environment works in two methods: Internally and Externally. You need to both prepare yourself physically and mentally before beginning this kind of practice, as well as finding a suitable location to practice consistently. The key here is maintaining a consistent environment where this practice can foster. Here are examples of what I've done thus far:

Internal

Noise. There is so much noise in the world. Removing as much noise from your life as possible allows you to listen to the subtle intricacies that are quiet, but still present. As mentioned above, I removed a lot of these sources of noise from my life during Lent. Music and Games being big ones. You can also include things such as News, because it follows the same pattern. But this noise keeps you distracted and becomes overwhelming. At first, removing these things seems daunting and existing in a state of silence can be difficult. The reality of ultimate responsibility that you face in silence becomes easier and more palatable with time and practice.

Eating is another noise factor but can be treated differently because you need to eat at the end of the day. Fasting or at least not having a big meal before attempting to practice is advised, because the noise generated by digestion distracts the body. The heavier the foods the bigger the distraction. This translates into just eating healthier and planning your meals around the practice. I prefer practicing in the morning for this reason, since I've been fasted all night and I've not been bombarded with the inputs from work/life that would occur throughout the day and cause a type of "systemic fatigue" at the end of the day.

To expand to some other examples, I considered the things that take your attention from you. Whether it's social media, news, games, music, pornography, drugs, excessive eating, YouTube, any of the doom scrolling items, relationship problems, etc.

Whatever I do not explicitly need (be honest), I began either removing or reducing it from my life for the sake of this practice. Historically speaking, this would be referred to as the purification process. It may not be as ritually rigorous as history might make it sound, but simplifying your life by removing sources of noise is a fundamental aspect that is conducive to the practice.

External

Similarly, noise is also a main concern externally as well. The stimulus and input you receive from the environment around you plays a big part in your ability to relax and meditate. Picking a room that's dark, quiet, and comfortable will be conducive to the practice, because it aims to remove as many potential roadblocks as possible. I've had problems with dogs barking, lights on, being cold, being warm, etc that I've worked through and identified over the course of the month of practicing.

Part of this setup includes the need for privacy. You'll want to be able to be undisturbed for at least an hour. So it's important to discuss this with partners, colleagues, kids, etc on a set "Quiet Time". This practice is common within seminaries and monasteries where a dedicated quiet time is necessary to create an environment. You'll find this equally necessary for your own setup, wherever that might be.

For your actual manner of how you meditate, this is entirely up to you. As noted, you'll want to be comfortable and not have any pain points. As such, I've taken to laying down as my primary meditative position. Experimenting with seiza sitting, half lotus, crescent pillow, etc have produced some form of discomfort for extended periods of time. If one of those works for you, then great. My setup is a ThermaRest sleeping mat used for camping and a pillow. If you want incense, use it, if not, it's not necessary. Whatever makes it comfortable for you.

Beyond that, it's quite simple. Consistent comfortable setting combined with noise reduction and you have more or less the ideal setup.

Phenomena:

It's worth first noting that there are various phases of practice. From my experience thus far, I've uncovered and labeled a few, but I feel that these are but a few amongst many. The phases sometimes have distinct changes or sometimes they become more subtle. Initially, they may seem random but with time the space becomes more consistent. But roughly mapped, this is what I've encountered thus far:

Waking Life > Body Relaxation > Stillness Phase > Vibrational Cycles > Waiting Room

The various phases have their own phenomena that occur. Starting out, it was hard to determine what was where or even where you are in the practice. Even as you continue practicing, some of the phenomena disappear and new ones take their place.

The point is that the phenomena itself isn't the goal, but rather a marker along the path you are taking.

Body Relaxation

This is initially the most challenging part of the entire practice. In modern life, we're expected to be moving or doing something at all times. This even extends to when sitting and supposedly doing nothing. This emerges as a desire to be entertained or preoccupied. Most commonly it's the need to watch a show, scroll through a feed, play a game, whatever. During this phase, the initial hump is just being able to lay down with nothing but yourself.

Phenomena wise, it varies because there's a lot of initial ground to cover here. Initially it can be the whirlwind of thoughts. The body has nothing else to do or occupy itself with so it decides to bring up a multitude of seemingly random and sometimes uncomfortable thoughts. Letting them pass and turn to dust is what has been effective for me.

Continuing further once you get into a deeper state of relaxation and approaching the Stillness Phase there are more notable things that occur that would normally be considered unusual.

To start, there are perceptual anomalies that occur within your field of vision and sometimes beyond it. These range from sources of light, to objects, mental video imagery, and changes in your point of view. A few examples from my notes include "dark orb with a white and blue outer ring", "dark waves of water", "sunlight peeking through a tree canopy".

The first part "within your field of vision" naturally makes sense. Something that's right in front of you. But, then I have the follow-up "beyond it". A handful of times there have been sources of light that seem to be oriented behind me, like a car behind you with its brights on. Or above me, similar to the sun on a bright day. You're not seeing the source directly, but seeing the rays of light emanating from that source.

The next is a somatic sensation that occurs when the body is approaching being asleep while the mind is still awake. This is referred to as "sleep paralysis" and is the feeling of numbness that overcomes some or all of the body as it approaches a regular sleep cycle. Under normal circumstances, you'd be falling asleep with it. But in this case, it is a practice of maintaining the mental faculties beyond this point and existing solely in your interior.

Stillness Phase

The arrival at this point is sometimes subtle and sometimes specific. Other times it seems that I've settled in and jumped right to the next phase almost skipping this one. However, this was only after numerous sessions of successfully reaching this phase consistently.

After the body has settled and the physical lights go out you're left with nothing more than you and your thoughts. But even the thoughts seem to naturally calm down as well as certain imagery mentioned previously.

What's most unique during my experiences is that everything seems to become still and quiet at this point. Even your breathing patterns. Whereas in the initial relaxation you're breathing intentionally with solid and smooth inhales and exhales, here, my breath lightens to almost becoming imperceptible unless I focus upon it.

In this phase you can choose to specifically focus on and think about things without the additional chatter of the mind. Work through problems, address feelings, or just exist within it. When you exist within it after some time, you begin feeling new sensations arise.

Vibrational Cycles

At an indeterminate point in the Stillness Phase, a concerning feeling envelops the body. The sense of electricity, a buzz, or a vibration begins to occur. It started as a belt of electricity across my chest that would come and go in cycles at least up to 5 times. Other times it's all encompassing and it feels as if the entire body is alive with electricity.

It can be quite uncomfortable as this is something I've never felt anywhere else before. Sarcastically, I'd say to touch a low voltage live wire with both hands to equate the feeling to something. But the localization across the chest and then eventually to the entire body is unique and startling the first time you experience it and even a bit unnerving in consecutive practice sessions. It will likely be similar in the sense that with more practice, you become accustomed to the sensation, more attuned, and not bothered by it.

This eventually fades and you return back to a state of existing in what seems like empty space. However, there's a quality about it that's different that I can't quite describe. Perhaps my breathing shifts slightly, a gained clarity, or a further emptying of the space as I wait for something that I know not what it might be.

Waiting Room

There's nothing here that I've observed yet. It's as if you've gotten past a gate and there's nothing on the other side. I've perhaps felt some slight internal movement, which is distinct as my body has been more or less asleep for the duration of the practice. Sometimes it feels as if being pulled in a direction. Other times it's as if you moved to your side to get comfortable. But physically, none of this is actually happening. It remains an internal, almost separate structure that's being moved from within your regular body.

I still have more practice to do to further experience things at this threshold and perhaps see what, if anything is beyond it. I've presently dubbed it as the 'Waiting Room' because it's similar to the Stillness Phase, but even the Stillness Phase had something beyond it. So, I'm waiting to see, by continued practice, what potentially lies beyond.

As I learn and experience more, this name will likely change, or perhaps it will stay the same. There's only one way to find out: practice.

Current Internal Disposition:

From the beginning of this practice at the start of Lent to my current time of writing, I've experienced shifts in my perception towards life that I can directly attribute to beginning and working through this practice. Not everything can be enumerated adequately nor can the quality of presence be described in a manner that would do it justice. But, it's worth stating that the subtractive qualities both in and outside of the practice have led me to a place of deeper love, gratitude, and general contentment with life and those around me.

As such, I've found this Lenten practice to be something of value that I've built into a habit that I wish to pursue well outside of Lent. Ultimately, I think that should be the point of every Lenten practice: making habitual the subtractions that allow the real life underneath to shine through.

As always, thank you, ~Michaelion

Discovering Meditative Strength Training

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

In this year of training, I've learned quite a few things about myself and what I actually prefer in terms of physical training. As 2025 comes to an end, I wanted to share what I've discovered and how it shaped my approach to exercise programming and philosophy.

A couple months back, I found myself thoroughly enjoying the high bar squat movement due to a little too much of Tom Platz. One particular day I was warming up and getting ready a typical 3 sets of 5 repetitions, which I'd been progressing over the previous weeks. After the first set, my body essentially told me that that weight was off the menu. Listening to my body, I dropped the weight and worked through 10 sets of 5 repetitions with this lower weight, and I felt great. So much so, that I felt the rest of the planned workout was unnecessary.

The following day, my soreness pattern was picture perfect. This drove me to explore it further.

I continued performing this 10x5 structure with other barbell movements to see if I could replicate the same stimulus that I had received from squats, and I was pleasantly surprised to have unlocked quite a few points worth mentioning.

Movement Practice

I had begun dialing in the barbell movements and feeling how it worked with my body. This included bettering my form, bracing ability, and bar path. Repeating the same movement pattern for 10 sets forced me to refine technique and truly feel how the lift interacted with my body. Soon, the movement became an actual practice, not just a lift.

Sub-maximal Effort

By modifying the weight to be within the 65-75% 1RM range, I was able to keep training by maintaining a sustainable intensity through the movement while providing enough of stimulus that would challenge the muscle groups. This allowed for a manageable level of fatigue and resulted in my ability to recover effectively.

Meditative Training

Removing noise from the rest of the routine, I began focusing solely on the barbell and my part in moving it. There was a certain stillness to the routine. One that sharpened my awareness and brought clarity. It led me to understand a form of constructive suffering and the transformative power of it.

The Program

Having found success with my initial practice, I decided to design a program surrounding this philosophy of "Meditative Sub-Maximal Strength Training" that aims to provide a minimalist, yet holistic, approach that results in the development of strength across the entire body.

The program makes use of foundational compound movements performed consistently at a sustainable intensity that allows for deep stimulus of target muscles as well as robust bracing without causing excessive fatigue or overloading the central nervous system.

Week A
Incline Bench
Barbell Row
Barbell Squat

Week B
Overhead Press
Pull-Up
Romanian Deadlift

Accessory - End of Every Session
Zercher Deadlift - 3x5
Zercher Squat - 3x5

Main lifts are for 10 sets at 5 repetitions.
~65-75% 1RM.
Progressing by 2.5lbs or 5lbs only when you've developed full control over the movement across all sets.

That's it. That's the program.
No frills, no fluff. Just honest work.

My Results So Far

Having followed this for a few months so far, I've noticed a sharp increase in confidence in the movements. The extended practice made it possible to identify weak points and reinforce technique. The muscle stimulus has been significant due to the usage of these compound movements with such volume. Combined with proper bracing during the exercises, my core has developed substantially in this short time period.

By removing the noise and focusing my attention on the one movement pattern, I've dialed in my awareness in a way that traditional hypertrophy training didn't reach for me. I'm more connected and present during the lifts and have tuned into how my body responds.

In short: I've been responding very well.

Closing

I've spent years struggling with the noise of common hypertrophy practices and general fitness culture, and have found peace in this simple routine. The deliberate approach has provided clarity that I wasn't able to find previously. As with many things, the exercise space is filled with noise and various rabbit holes that do nothing but distract you from the actual work necessary for you to see growth.

If sharing this helps someone else find that same peace, then this has been a success.

Thank you,
~Michaelion

Kenosis Meditation

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

This practice draws from two convergent streams: the Jewish mystical concept of Nothingness (Ayin), where the understanding is that divinity lies beyond all categories and beyond all somethingness, and the Christian concept of Kenosis, the self-emptying described in Philippians 2:5-9, where Christ humbled himself by setting aside the fullness of His divinity. In reverent respect for this convergence, I refer to this practice as the Kenosis Meditation

In essence, we are to nullify our will before His will. This is to humble ourselves before God and to better listen to the Divine Will.

During this type of meditation and prayer, you must regard yourself, your desires, your needs, and your wants as nothing. You must entirely place your trust in God and remove your ego from the equation. You are not here to receive something, but rather sit before God without demand.

Preparing the Space

The practice begins before the silence does. The preparation of the space is not decoration but rather a shift of focused attention. It signals to the mind and the soul that a different mode of attention is being requested.

In my own practice, I sit before icons of Christ, St. Michael, and St. Mary. I light a beeswax candle and incense the room with frankincense and myrrh. The room should be quiet, with distractions removed. Devices off. Lights off. Noise off. If possible, practice before eating as a full stomach in itself can be a distraction.

Any form of meditation benefits from a posture that allows you to be comfortable enough that the body does not become a distraction. I lay on the floor with a sleeping pad and a zafu pillow to incline my head. Seated forms are possible, but I've encountered numerous pressure points and laying removes them all entirely.

The consistency of the preparation matters. The more habitual and familiar the setup becomes, the less effort is spent on logistics and the more is available for the practice itself.

The Practice

Make the Sign of the Cross. Mentally offer a brief prayer of thanksgiving which includes what you are grateful for, what needs empathy and loving care. This is not lengthy or formal. It is an honest acknowledgment before God of what is present in your life. Once the thanksgiving is complete, make an interior intention to begin the silence.

Remove the Noise

Begin the Jesus Prayer synchronized with the breath:

Inhale: Lord Jesus Christ
Exhale: Have mercy on me, a sinner

This is not spoken aloud but thought mentally in rhythm with each breath. The prayer serves as an anchor. Its purpose is to displace the wandering thoughts of the mind and narrow attention into a single point. This practice is rooted in the Hesychastic tradition of the Eastern Church, where the Jesus Prayer is understood as a transitional tool: it stills the surface of the mind so that deeper silence can emerge.

Breathing

When the mind has quieted, allow the Jesus Prayer to dissolve. Do not force this transition as it will become apparent when the prayer has done its work and begins to feel like a distraction rather than an aid.

Continue breathing naturally. No words, no directed thought, no imagery. If thoughts arise, picture them as dust in the wind and let them pass. Do not fight them. Do not engage them. Return to the breathing

Silence

This is the heart of the practice.

Maintain no expectations. Ask for nothing. Expect nothing. You are simply sitting in the silence, existing in the presence. The self is not reaching for something but rather is releasing its hold on everything.

If phenomena appear such as shifts in spatial awareness, patterns of light, imagery, expansions of perception then notice them without grasping. The moment you focus directly on them, they will collapse. Let them develop around you rather than turning your attention toward them. They are not the point. They are the landscape of the threshold.

If the body begins to fall asleep while the mind remains aware, allow it. Do not resist the transition. This is a natural deepening of the practice. What happens beyond this should be perceived but not demanded. By forcing yourself to reach out, the self will pull back.

There is no fixed duration. Early sessions may last ten or fifteen minutes. As the practice develops, allow it to extend naturally rather than watching a clock. The session ends when it feels complete. You will know.

Exit

Return gently. Offer a brief thanksgiving for the moment of silence. Make the Sign of the Cross.

If something was given such as a notion, an image, or a felt sense then write it down. Describe what you observed, not what you think it meant. Do not force meaning. If nothing notable occurred, that is equally valid. The practice itself is the offering.

On the Nature of This Practice

The Kenosis Prayer is not a technique to produce visions or experiences. Its purpose is simply to sit before God without demand.

The most difficult aspect of this practice is the paradox at its center: you cannot pursue the experience of self-emptying, because the pursuit itself is an assertion of will. You practice faithfully and consistently, and you release attachment to outcomes within any given session. The long-term trajectory has direction and intention. The individual sitting does not.

Whether or not anything is "seen" or "felt," each time we return to this silence, the self is lightened, the noise of the world is lessened, and the quiet presence of God becomes easier to recognize in daily life.

Practice is practice. That is all it needs to be.
~Michaelion

On Chemical Dependency

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 00:00:00 GMT

It’s past midnight and I’m laying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark of my bedroom. Instead of sleeping, I’m having a conversation with myself: don’t look at your phone, just go to sleep.

By writing this, it’s obvious which voice won.

It’s this type of nagging feeling that pesters me to avoid silence at all costs. The silence where you sit and do nothing, where you aren’t engaged with anything in a cognitive sense.

In essence, being bored.

This struggle is present almost every part of the day without fail. Waking up, driving, eating, working, exercising, relaxing, or trying to sleep. Almost none of these activities can be performed without staring at what I’ve nicknamed the Soul Siphon: a screen.

My work as an analyst makes it worse because everything revolves around screens. My studies involve a screen. My leisure activities involve a screen. It all involves a screen. It’s an addiction. It hurts when I go without it. And I hate it.

Addiction

I used to believe that addiction only applied when a chemical substance was involved. That made it easy to dismiss phone use as just a bad habit. But the unfortunate truth is that the chemical is generated inside us, triggered by the natural mechanisms of the human body.

Even worse, this particular addiction has been normalized across society. Everywhere you look, whether it be at red lights, in grocery lines, and even during meals people are filling every iota of pause with their phones.

There are plenty of absurd analogies you could make. Imagine if everyone stared at a rock in the same way, or casually drank alcohol from sunrise to midnight, every single day. That’s what it looks like when you step back.

But addressing this reality usually gets brushed aside so the “regularly scheduled activity” can resume. People know it's a concern, agree it's a concern, and then dismiss it because they're too dependent to truly let it go and look beyond.

It’s as if a door is right in front of us, hiding the truth, and the thought of opening it fills us with anxiety. The only way to soothe that discomfort is by stacking these distractions between ourselves and the door.

Silence

These distractions only serve one purpose: avoiding silence.

Silence is uncomfortable because it forces us to face ourselves when there's nothing else to focus on. Our memories, regrets, anxieties, and the thoughts we’d rather suppress all begin to rise. Yet simultaneously, it’s also the very place where wisdom and healing can be found.

In silence, we’re able to reflect. We can walk a thought all the way down its path and see where it leads, instead of drowning it out. Most importantly, silence teaches us to listen.

For the quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.

And yet, facing what you might hear in that space is so frightening that most people dive into distraction instead. The phone becomes a shield, a way to avoid the encounter. But no replacement activity can fully solve this issue.

The path forward is in embracing the discomfort of silence.

Embracing It

There’s a practice within prayer and meditation that I’ve taken to calling K_enosis_. It’s simple but difficult: intentionally stripping away all external noise while also quieting the inner noise.

The goal isn’t to think, but to be. To enter silence and remain there. In that space, you are better positioned to experience His voice. If you endure it, the silence becomes a kind of reward in itself.

The screen, the Soul Siphon, keeps you from ever reaching this state. I know the discomfort firsthand and have experienced success with this prayer method.

But the truth is simple:
Let it go. Embrace the silence.

Thank you,
~Michaelion